Mam nadzieje, ze lektura tego listu pomoze komus w podjeciu jedynej slusznej decyzji
OPEN LETTER FROM LITHUANIA TO THE LATVIAN BASKETBALL FANS
OK, guys, let's make it clear once and for all. I can see that many of you
still don't understand what the situation is.
Let's be honest -- we're talking different levels here. Well, of course, we
always respect the Latvian team and wish them good luck. But what can they
really do in this Eurobasket-2003? Nothing! Lithuania can maybe kick
Latvia's arse in ice hockey one time in 20 years -- but everyone will know
that Lithuanian hockey sucks in a big big way. The same about Latvian
basketball. Anyway, let's not be too much focused on this shitty sport,
which ice hockey is. Only 10 countries in the world really know the game at
all, nobody gives a shit about this lousy game.
Well, we know anyway, that in Latvian ice hockey team, there are always such
ethnic Latvians as Ivanovs, Petrovs and Sidorovs ... It's hard to understand
how a decent Latvian would take an interest in such a team. Latvian
football -- all the same, of course.
OK, but this was off-topic, let's cut to the chase and talk real basketball
matters here.
Any person with a slightest presence of common sense knows anyway, that
Latvia is going to get flushed down the toilet by Lithuania, but let's go
through the positions and show the truth to the ignorant.
Point Guard
OK, OK, lads, what we've got here? An interesting question indeed.
In the Latvian team, there a really nice player Roberts Stelmahers, playing
for "Olimpia" Ljubljana, Slovenia. Yeah, what a jewel for Latvians! On our
roster, we've got Sarunas Jasikevicius, the MVP of the Spanish league final
series, Euroleague champion, one of the leaders of "Barcelona" team during
the latest season. The best PG of the Euroleague. I wish Stelmahers was a
Lithuanian -- he could play those five minutes, when Sarunas needs to have a
rest and take a piss. Or he could be our floor-mopping boy, I'm pretty sure
he make a great career in this role.
Shooting Guard
Um, it's really interesting to note, that the Latvians have the member of
their starting five, a certain Mr. Aigars Vitols. He can really play! I
mean, a guy of this calibre can subsist year after year in the Latvian
basketball league, against such crappy teams as "Livu Alus", where the main
player is the Lithuanian Svajunas Airosius. By the way, Svajunas is not even
considered a basketball player over here, in Lithuania. Airosius is a
professional fire-fighter, basketball being only his hobby. But, as you see,
this is more than sufficient to be the leader of one of the top Latvian
basketball teams!
But enough with Vitols, no one will remember him after this Eurobasket
anyway. Let's come to the real stars - the shooters of the Lithuanian NT.
Arvydas Macijauskas, "TAU Ceramica" from Vitoria (Spain), he will kick the
Latvian kindergarten boys big time. Well, you could say "We haven't heard
about Macijauskas" - but that's what your poor Kraulins can also claim, when
he will search for excuses after Lithuania shreds his team to pieces. "Oh,
sorry, guys, it was all my fault - I didn't know this guy Macijauskas, and
he scored 40 points against us. Next time, I will know better."
But then again, I'm not really sure if Macijauskas can stop all by his own
the mighty Vitols and his friends. Maybe, Donatas Slanina can help then?
Well, I'm not sure if that works, but let's hope so ... Slanina, only being
one the top three scorers of the Spanish ACB League with Sevilla CSF,
against the powerful Vitols of the incredible Latvian league ...
Small Forward
Here we have Ainars Bagatskis - the guy used to be a young prospect very
very long ago. And that's what he still is - a prospect for the future at 36
years of age. Maybe, in some 10 years time, he will really shine for Latvia!
Never lose the hope, our Northern brothers, Ainars is still training and
hoping to be a top player in Europe. We've had such players, trying to get
into our NT before - and they really made it. Now, they can mop the floor
and take off the trash in our NT training camp.
Do we have anybody to match this exceptional superstar? Maybe Mindaugas
Zukauskas from Montepaschi Siena (Italy) can manage that? Player in the
Final Four of the Euroleague. Well, who can know? There will always be some
Latvians who think that "Ventspils" is above all the Euroleague Final
Fours - let them cherish this illusion further on.
Just for the record - Lithuanian team could survive easily without Mindaugas
Zukauskas and use Saulius Stombergas (Zalgiris Kaunas) and Ramunas
Siskauskas (Lietuvos Rytas), but this is already an overkill for the poor
Latvian team.
Power Forward
It's really not even worth to spend time writing about this position,
because comparing Latvia to Lithuania here is totally out of question. But
let's look at it anyway.
Darius Songaila from "Sacramento Kings" will make Troy Ostler look like a
little boy from a kindergarten, who has decided to go and try playing with
the national team. But at least Troy Ostler is better than Maris Laksa -
which means, better than hopeless. And if that's not enough, you can some
more beating by Virginijus Praskevicius ("Ulker Istanbul", Turkey).
But wait, did I really hear "Troy Ostler"? In the Latvian national team?
Well well well, the surprises never cease in our dear old Latvia, you can
always find out that there are Latvians all around the world! Before, such
guys would be coming from Moscow and St. Petersburg, and would all play for
the Latvian national team. You know - all these Stepanovs and Ivanovs. Now,
they start to come from New York and Los Angeles and Chicago - real
pure-bred ethnical Latvians, like Ostler, who is now known to the public as
a certain Mr. Trojs Ostlers, of course.
Did you hear the latest news, by the way? Soon, another real Latvian Sakils
O'Nils will come to his native land and play for the Latvian team and
"Skonto" Riga. Mihals Dzordanieks is considering this move as well - a good
replacement for Vitols, indeed! And there are countless Latvians all around
the world - Hakims Oladzuvons from Africa, Jao Mings from China, who can
always help your team. But well, if the situation gets really grave, you can
always take up the aspiring fire-fighter Svajunas Airosius, Lithuanians will
be only glad to lend him. This will never a problem in Latvia, of course -
the naturalisation rules for non-Russian population are really flexible out
there. You only seem to have problems with those Ivanovs and Petrovs.
Center Forward
Well, what I can say here? Latvians are so very very very lucky that we didn
't bring our NBA towers - Ilgauskas and Sabonis - to the Eurobasket. Now, at
least, there's hope our neighbours can lose by less than 40 points. A real
consolation indeed.
But they can't even be sure about that! Our third- or fourth-best centres
will kick the Latvians' ass with no problem at all.
But anyway, this is at least one position where the Latvians have a player,
who could even manage to get into our National 12! Kambala, of course. No,
he would not surely get many playing minutes on the pitch - but could be a
good substitution player for Eurelijus Zukauskas, our spider-man and the
king of block shots
I never really quite understood, how the Latvians could have at least one
player, who doesn't suck big time. No, this is impossible - all the other
players suck, and Kambala does not! I mean, he sucks anyway, but on a
smaller scale. I understood this phenomenon only when I heard Kapars'
interview some time ago. Your lad was saying there that he only became a
basketball player thanks to Arvydas Sabonis. This was his idol in the
childhood and teenage years, driving him to become the best basketball
player in Latvian. Take a bow to Sabas, my dear Latvian friends - if not for
him, Kambala would be some shitty taxi driver in Rezekne, or maybe wash the
toilets and so earn his living in the nice Latvian-speaking capital Riga.
Well, certainly, he could have become a basketball player anyway, even
competing with Laksa for a place in the national team.
Coach
Well, of course, even as shitty team as Latvia can be led to great heights,
if it has a good coach. Great coaches can do great things with shitty teams,
everyone knows that. And this is exactly the case with Latvia! Mr. Armands
Kraulins , the strategic master-mind behind the Latvian squad, should never
be underestimated. Of course, in Lithuania he would be only handed a place
in a basketball museum as a living fossil. But then, things are different in
Latvia. The gaffer has spent long years in studying the play of the
Lithuanian teams of 1937 and 1939, when we humiliated Latvia and became
European champions - he is actually the best expert of pre-war basketball in
the whole of Europe. Which is quite understandable, as Kraulins was already
a mature expert during those times, spending a short unsuccessful spell as
the closest advisor of Karlis Ulmanis.
So, my dear latviesi, I hope you have really understood the position of
nothingness which you occupy in the European basketball. Some of you will be
foolish enough to think otherwise - but hey, it is your own problem if you'
re totally misled. Just wait one day, and your opinion will be complete
different! You'll be bemoaning your poor national side and meeting it with
tear in Riga. Next, it will be only Estonia left for you to compete with.
This task you will manage, I'm pretty confident of that. Never lose your
faith, my dear Latvian brothers! There are always teams like Albania,
Liechtenstein or San Marino, where you can show your force.
LAI DZIVO LATVIJA!
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